GuildCom

Caffeine.

Lava Lamp Instructions

Also, Signs You’ve Had Too Much Coffee

But of course, that list doesn’t really apply to me. Let’s try my list…

Signs You’re a Dr Pepper Addict

1. Your taste buds can identify no less than 7 different blends and bottling companies.
2. You get angry when you order “a coke” and get Coca Cola.
3. After three days without Dr Pepper you start looking up shit like instructions on making Lava Lamps
4. Every time you get up from your desk, you head for the front door like you’re going down to the gas station — and then you remember you’re not drinking Dr Pepper today.
5. You check the bottle cap before you buy it so you don’t get “that shit from Portales.”
6. You order your meal based on what you know will go well with your drink rather than the other way round.
7. You make a damn LIST of ways to tell you’re an addict!
8. You remember where you bought your last Dr Pepper and lament the fact that it was on the rocks.
9. You stopped drinking Dr Pepper just so you can enjoy it properly again.
10. You start thinking this needs to be a 12 step program and not a list of ten items…

So you wanna be more like us, huh? Thats impossible, but with a little help (and a shotglass worth of luck), some of our greatness might dust off onto your head like the flakes of dandruff that constantly float off of your scalp.

First off, beverages. Except in dire cases where neither is available, you only have two real choices: Dr. Pepper or booze (beer, wine, liquor, etc.). Water is an acceptable alternative, and Red Bull can go a long ways during those long, grueling Empire Earth matches that last 8 hours because some nitwit named David hid a weather baloon in the corner of the map….anyways, yes, there are only two true choices in most cases.

Next up: Meat. Steak. Or Bar-B-Que. Or pizza. Or seafood (usually fried). Or fried chicken. Or some other version of beef. Basically in that order. Side dishes are your choosing; I prefer taters (baked or fried), or beans or fried okra or something of that ilk.

Lets face it, if you’re not from the South, you have about as much chance of being a Guildsman as a French national becoming President. I’m tired, and now hungary. Thank you for reading my rambling wise words of greatness.